so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
