We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
