11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
