Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The air was thick with penises
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize