you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
