We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
