Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
