hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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