I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
