Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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