Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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