Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
