wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
