Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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