the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
