Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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