Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
