I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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