he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
