ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we should paint friendship bongs
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