Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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