I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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