Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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