So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
