I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
