sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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