I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
