Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
