we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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