Where is the hickey?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
