haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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