Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
