I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just forgot I was standing up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
