I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
