Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
