He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
