i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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