to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
