i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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