Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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