well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
