Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
