Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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