guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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