I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
