is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
