The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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