Sry I called you an 8
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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