he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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