I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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