I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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