I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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