Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
