Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
