she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
