This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
