I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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