the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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