i jhust puked up my retainher.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
