Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
