next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
