Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
