I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
