My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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