I love black thongs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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