Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
