Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
