I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
