You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
