I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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