I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
