I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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