haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
